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Men's Underwear Index
Posted by Frozy
on
Saturday, October 10, 2009
There are millions of words in English world. There are thousands of them in financial world. And then there is “Men’s Underwear Index”. It’s like someone with a weird sense of humor (just like mine) combined English and finance just for the heck of it and gave to a guy with a cuckoo hat. How else would you get a word such as Men’s Underwear Index. Yet to understand what is MUI? You will, when and if you continue.
Now what does it actually mean? “A measure of how well the economy is doing based on sales of men's underwear. The reasoning is that men consider underwear as a necessity (not a luxury item), so sales of this product should be steady - except during severe economic downturns, when men don’t think new underwear is a necessity. The notable decrease in underwear sales is said to reflect the poor overall state of the economy. Conversely, when underwear sales pick up, the economy is considered to be improving.”
Wow. You would say, that’s one correct economic indicator they have come up with, for a change. But you are wrong my friend.
If you ask me, this is pure 24 carrot bullshit. I am sure my underwear can’t sense a thing, forget world economy. Because if it can, imagine an economist checking my wardrobe this very minute! I can’t stop chuckling thinking about the rude shock he is in for. He might run out yelling “EUREKA EUREKA..” and declare that India is severely affected by this downturn. He might as well add that it is hanging on to its last string. I meant the economy!
Before you make disgusted faces, read about this friend of mine. He is very normal except that he hates to wash his underwear. So what does our man do? He simply discards his old underwear, and buys new ones instead. Every month he religiously calls for a cloth donation camp and gives them away, for FREE! Imagine what a great humanitarian he is. With all probability, he may be the one who introduced the concept of Use and Throw to the Americans. He is our hope for eradicating poverty, propping up the economy solely with his underwear. Next candidate after Obama for The Nobel Peace Prize!
Actually, I think MUI is none of these but indication of how many ‘active” relationships you maintain. Now as a reader you may note the two words.
1. Active – There has to be action between the man and the woman involved in the relationship. For any man, appearing in front of his woman in his underwear is always a happy thought, of things to follow. But appearing on underwear which is on the verge of giving away may not be the exact same feeling. It is one of those rare mistakes that a man never commits twice in one’s life.
2. Maintenance – Well, how many of you girls would think of meeting a guy who wears torn underwear? I can bet that every time he philosophically speaks about holes in his soul, you would be imagining different holes altogether. So, I conclude. If a guy buys new ones, it is an indication of active sex life. Active sex life is an indication of total joblessness, which means recession. How? - If you think that World War II decreased the human population, it is totally untrue. Imagine yourself in 1942. You would be hiding with your spouse inside some underground bunker. You would practically have nothing to do. There was no Facebook or Orkut in those so you can’t scrap someone or play Farmville. So you turn to the only and the most fun filled thing you can do at free of cost. Human Reproduction. And with less pollution, people at those times were very successful in their act thereby producing dozens of off springs in the process. Couple of them might have died in the war, so what? We have 12 new ones to account for. That is the basis of the population explosion and recession. So take away for the day: World Wars increases population.
Coming back to our topic. The guy, with new underwear. He HAS to be unmarried. Which of you guys would be worried about the holes in your underwear, if your wife is the ONLY lady who will EVER see it? I see no hands going up and didn't think so either.
Since the day men invented underwear (how was it before that day, I wonder!), underwear was never marked in red bold ink in any shopping list. And why do you think men’s underwear is always kept near the payment counter? The logic is linear. As per our last paragraph, we concluded married guys don't buy underwear. Then if you buy underwear, it means that you have a girl friend with active maintenance or at least a plan to it. When you are about to pay for your girlfriend’s shopping list, you suddenly realizes the gaping hole in your wallet as an after effect of the shopping. Then you also remember the other holes that you have in your possession, namely on the underwear. You go and grab a Roopa ki underwear replacement.
In my case, it is not any of these that remind me about it but my neighbor. Imagine a scene where a dilapidated piece of poor garment which has been subjected grave atrocities and war crimes, dries solemnly in the wind on a terrace. That’s mine. Had it been 1942, I would be swiftly booked for war crimes. This poor vintage cloth must have reminded my neighbor of some gruesome picture of the economy and my general state of affairs. Her response has never been vocal, though it has been very effective. She looks at me, her eyes goes below my midriff, stays there for a second, she wrinkles her nose, try to sniff something, shrugs and walks past with a shake of her head. THAT, my friend, is an indication for me to examine the distribution pattern of my MUI and take stock of the situation before the drought catches up.
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Now what does it actually mean? “A measure of how well the economy is doing based on sales of men's underwear. The reasoning is that men consider underwear as a necessity (not a luxury item), so sales of this product should be steady - except during severe economic downturns, when men don’t think new underwear is a necessity. The notable decrease in underwear sales is said to reflect the poor overall state of the economy. Conversely, when underwear sales pick up, the economy is considered to be improving.”
Wow. You would say, that’s one correct economic indicator they have come up with, for a change. But you are wrong my friend.
If you ask me, this is pure 24 carrot bullshit. I am sure my underwear can’t sense a thing, forget world economy. Because if it can, imagine an economist checking my wardrobe this very minute! I can’t stop chuckling thinking about the rude shock he is in for. He might run out yelling “EUREKA EUREKA..” and declare that India is severely affected by this downturn. He might as well add that it is hanging on to its last string. I meant the economy!
Before you make disgusted faces, read about this friend of mine. He is very normal except that he hates to wash his underwear. So what does our man do? He simply discards his old underwear, and buys new ones instead. Every month he religiously calls for a cloth donation camp and gives them away, for FREE! Imagine what a great humanitarian he is. With all probability, he may be the one who introduced the concept of Use and Throw to the Americans. He is our hope for eradicating poverty, propping up the economy solely with his underwear. Next candidate after Obama for The Nobel Peace Prize!
Actually, I think MUI is none of these but indication of how many ‘active” relationships you maintain. Now as a reader you may note the two words.
1. Active – There has to be action between the man and the woman involved in the relationship. For any man, appearing in front of his woman in his underwear is always a happy thought, of things to follow. But appearing on underwear which is on the verge of giving away may not be the exact same feeling. It is one of those rare mistakes that a man never commits twice in one’s life.
2. Maintenance – Well, how many of you girls would think of meeting a guy who wears torn underwear? I can bet that every time he philosophically speaks about holes in his soul, you would be imagining different holes altogether. So, I conclude. If a guy buys new ones, it is an indication of active sex life. Active sex life is an indication of total joblessness, which means recession. How? - If you think that World War II decreased the human population, it is totally untrue. Imagine yourself in 1942. You would be hiding with your spouse inside some underground bunker. You would practically have nothing to do. There was no Facebook or Orkut in those so you can’t scrap someone or play Farmville. So you turn to the only and the most fun filled thing you can do at free of cost. Human Reproduction. And with less pollution, people at those times were very successful in their act thereby producing dozens of off springs in the process. Couple of them might have died in the war, so what? We have 12 new ones to account for. That is the basis of the population explosion and recession. So take away for the day: World Wars increases population.
Coming back to our topic. The guy, with new underwear. He HAS to be unmarried. Which of you guys would be worried about the holes in your underwear, if your wife is the ONLY lady who will EVER see it? I see no hands going up and didn't think so either.
Since the day men invented underwear (how was it before that day, I wonder!), underwear was never marked in red bold ink in any shopping list. And why do you think men’s underwear is always kept near the payment counter? The logic is linear. As per our last paragraph, we concluded married guys don't buy underwear. Then if you buy underwear, it means that you have a girl friend with active maintenance or at least a plan to it. When you are about to pay for your girlfriend’s shopping list, you suddenly realizes the gaping hole in your wallet as an after effect of the shopping. Then you also remember the other holes that you have in your possession, namely on the underwear. You go and grab a Roopa ki underwear replacement.
In my case, it is not any of these that remind me about it but my neighbor. Imagine a scene where a dilapidated piece of poor garment which has been subjected grave atrocities and war crimes, dries solemnly in the wind on a terrace. That’s mine. Had it been 1942, I would be swiftly booked for war crimes. This poor vintage cloth must have reminded my neighbor of some gruesome picture of the economy and my general state of affairs. Her response has never been vocal, though it has been very effective. She looks at me, her eyes goes below my midriff, stays there for a second, she wrinkles her nose, try to sniff something, shrugs and walks past with a shake of her head. THAT, my friend, is an indication for me to examine the distribution pattern of my MUI and take stock of the situation before the drought catches up.
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