Love Factually

The topic, about which the entire human race has written about. Fought. Lost and Found. And died.

So what’s new? Well, nothing is new. As I constantly remind all of you, this piece of iLand is for bull crap. (Come on people. I already have enough tensions in my life. Work pressure, Peer Pressure, Friends’ pressure to keep calling my 257 big contact list. Now above all, iLand pressure!. Nowadays I dream of Moe’s and Bad Angel’s writing skills and fear iLand will throw me out for not keeping up to the standards)

What you think about ‘College Love’? I always felt that there are five types of lovers in any campus.

Numero Uno: The couple will be sitting on the steps on the way to canteen and you have to be a trapeze playing monkey or Tarzan of the jungle to reach the canteen. Take five steps back, beat your chest, howl, run, jump and fly over them. With all luck you will land on your arse with a sickening ‘THUD’. Since it’s not possible to break your arse, you will not duplicate your bones. Each time one poor soul tries to cross our lovebirds’ all entangled position, the guy will give threatening glances which roughly translate to ‘tujhe mein hostel me dekh loonga’. You can see these two sitting there for hours on end, not moving an inch. And when you ask them to sit in the class for 30 min, the world will come to an end!

Second one (what’s the Spanish for this? Numero Secondo?) This is a rare species now. These existed when I did my engineering some years ago. It’s 21.00 Hours. You go to the local phone booth to make a call to your ailing grandma. You can hear sounds coming from somewhere nearby… nothing to be seen in plain sight. You think of all ghost stories that your Grandma told you. Talking going on in very small voices… It’s a human male and sometimes it coos. You being the unsuspecting victim try to wrench open the door and enter the booth. “Aaaaarrrgghh!!!” The silence of the night is broken by this shrill scream followed by a torrent of ‘galis’ in all possible languages not leaving out any in your ancestral line. Usually parents will be the ones who bear the brunt of this shower.  Mother, father, sister, brother, cousins, aunts, uncles, grand parents. The best way to count your relations.

Hearing this you run out with arms and legs flying all over the place. You think you have just encountered a foul mouthed ghost. But what just happened in reality was that you stumbled (literally) upon the second species. The cooing sound was from inside the booth with his girlfriend. It meant you should better find another phone, even if that meant walking five kilometers if you really want to talk to your grandma, before she reaches heaven.

Third: The old Fox of Sour Grapes. Ever green lovers. This is not by choice but because there is no other choice. You see. He was after Meena yesterday, with Teena today and will be after Veena tomorrow. Not that he didn’t like Meena & Teena. It’s just the other way. But so what? Life goes on and so does this ‘prem kahani’.

Fourth: Love is a horror story for these. Whenever they hear the word love, they shrivel up like a hazel nut. If a girl comes near them, a heart seizure is all ready and they collapse and have to be taken to the men’s loo. (And if by chance the helper didn’t faint by the loo smell, the lover might escape certain death) But they are these silent lovers. If you follow them carefully, during library hours, they will be in a corner seat and looking over the top of the 30 pound text book, at a girl sitting some ten yards away and busy gossiping with her friends. The moment the girl gives the guy a tantalizing glance, our Pirate Jack will hide behind the book never to be found again.

Fifth: Some of you might be offended by this, but I have living proof with me (proof is not me, please). How many of you believe in Rakhi? (I do. I have one sibling. One sister who likes to torment me day and night. And one ‘rakhi’ sister who gives her company. Two born terrorists!) Two Homo sapiens. A guy. A girl. They see each other. Spend some time together. Tadaaa. They decide that this is the best thing that could happen to them. She ties ‘rakhi’ and the guy is happy and so is the girl. They roam around the campus free of any hindrances. The guy chases off any potential Romeos. (Brotherly love and all!) The girl fights off any bitching friends saying it’s my brother. (Can’t you see the rakhi?)

Days Pass. Romeos forget the girl as the biblical forbidden apple. Months pass. Campus moves on to other more interesting topics. Years pass. Alumni meet comes up. Guy pops in along with THE girl, and a bunch of family heirlooms. They declare… ‘Since we knew each other so well, we deiced to marry.’

The End.

  

Frozen Sun 

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