Humorous side of Loose motion

This is not about love, butterflies or heart shaped red balloons. It’s going to be as dirty as it can get. So anyone having cold, fever or Mercedes Benz, please don’t read.

It’s a normal weekday morning. After chatting with your online friends, you had slept very late into the morning and feel very sleepy. Your boss had scheduled a meeting with clients which you are supposed to handle. You don’t even have an atom of preparation.

And you have loose motion.

To worsen the condition further (if that’s possible!) you find yourself in the lobby waving at the client enthusiastically. You feel so clueless and start to squirm in your shoe. The only possible solution is to run to the washroom and pray that they have all the required necessities, starting from a functioning closet with the toilet cover up (or down; I could never remember the correct way to leave it!) and most importantly, that it’s unoccupied. You hip-hop all the way to toilet. Your colleagues gleefully agree with a nod that is you are doing a passable imitation of a kangaroo.

You reach toilet safely (by all means) and sit there and perform the art which some may term and smirk as shitty. But whatever it is, a nice smile spreads across your face and you really have no clue as to why you are smiling like a clown. Feeling weird you shake yourself, stop smiling abruptly and curse all for getting afflicted by this disease. At first glance you are not able to realize why and how the heck you got it. After 10 min of complicated thought process which could rather easily beat Navjyot Singh Sidhu’s super brain (still performing the ‘art’ rather tirelessly) you reach the conclusion that it can be something you smelled from that hotel the day before.

Actually we all should thank this disease. This is the only time when all humans and animals are ‘giving out’ freely. Ever heard about a miser who won’t go to loo because he is a miser? (I know a couple of constipated real life misers though!) Shylocks would usually be the first to stand in the line.

After ten minutes of sitting there, you realize that it has been a rather long a time to sit in a toilet. But actually it has been over an hour, just that you never realized. Art knows no time and boundaries. How true. Also without your realization, all your colleagues had come to the wash room and had run out because of some foul order emanating from the closet. One of them sums up all the courage and offers to check out. Once his girlfriends and colleagues bid farewell to our hero, he wears the fire fighting masks and enters the wash room. With very difficulty he knocks.

He: (voice is muffled bcoz of the gas mask) “It’s me Steve. Man, u stink. Get the hell out of there.”

Then you suddenly realize how stinky you are right now! You feel embarrassed to the core and do not know what to do.

He: (continues) “Who the $%#@ are you? Reveal yourself!”

At that precise moment you get a fresh lease of life. They still don’t know who you are. You might have a chance of escaping the horrifying embarrassment sessions not to mention the atrocious looks you have to face all your life. Imagine your name for ever to be Stinky Kumar or Motion Patel or Shitty Mehta? You change your voice and put on a squeaking tone which resembles your boss’s. And you decide that if needed you will stay back all night long so that you can slip out unnoticed.

So you go: “I am your boss, and mind your words.”

That exact, precise moment your cell phone decides to play havoc on the world’s equilibrium. It bellows aloud.

“Lose Control! Lose Control! One more time, Lose Lose, Lose Control”

Shocked, Irritated, Embarrassed, Angry, Frustrated, you really lose control… again! Shit!

Outside all of your colleague yell in a perfect symphony to match it… “I KNOW THAT RINGTONE!! THAT’S FROZY”

Frozen Sun

PS: This is pure fiction. I could not end the blog in a better way without poking myself. But what’s sense of humor if you can’t laugh at yourself? :)

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